January 2012
2 posts
8 tags
#74 DO La galette des Rois
It’s that time of year again for those flat golden flaky cakes to start popping up everywhere from a box at your local Monoprix to your neighborhood boulangerie, it’s La galette des Rois. The french hate monarchy for obvious reasons and take great pleasure in the idea that some fancy kings had to give a lowly barn baby some gifts, très égalité. The French celebrate this special...
5 tags
#73 DON'T Be Naughty
Nothing says Christmas quite like a little corporal punishment. The French have a special Yuletide character that not only spreads Christmas joy but also quite literally beats it into people. I’m talking about the dear French Christmas cohort, Père Fouettard. While Anglo-Saxons believe that naughty chilluns deserve an innocuous lump of coal from Santa, the French believe Santa flies around...
December 2011
5 posts
5 tags
#72 DON'T Mexican
While there are a lot of things in Paris to gripe about, expats just love to whine about how much they miss Mexican food. However, expats need to shut their enchilada holes and realize that Parisians don’t do Mexican food (I’m sorry but cactus/candelaria/mexi&co just don’t cut it), so stop trying to make it happen here. There are a few things inherently wrong with Mexican cuisine for...
3 tags
#71 DO David Lebovitz
If the opportunity presents itself, definitely DO David Lebovitz. He’s cute, funny, has impeccable taste buds and is probably a sensitive and decent lay. Unfortunately, David doesn’t strike me as a floozy so I recommend you do the second best thing and religiously follow his blog. Mark my words, David will never lead you astray when you get caught breaking post #7.
4 tags
#70 DO Beurre
We all know certain things are just better here, be it croissants, madeleines, chocolate, escargot, béchamel, caramel, etc., but to explain the source of these culinary feats we simply need to identify the common denominator: le mighty beurre. There is something magical about the butter in France, it is so delicious, so sweet, so salty, so creamy—you eat it on anything and...
4 tags
#69 DON'T de Flore
Every travel book will tell you to stop, drop, and roll out your euros at the famous Café de Flore. I won’t because it’s a Don’t. Frozen food is great and all, but when it comes in the form of a greasy croque monsieur that will set you back 18 euros, no thanks. Sure it has ‘history’ and is pretty inside, but so are 89% of any given corner cafes in Paris. You can gage the level of meh this...
4 tags
#68 DON'T faire du lèche-vitrine 2011
Of late, Boulevard Haussmann is what bad dreams are made of compliments of les grands magasins Printemps and Galleries Lafayette. In Paris, the even grander Inauguration des Vitrines, marks the beginning of the consumer season à Paris. This year however, I wish someone could please explain to me what exactly about a bunch of tangled marionettes with creepy grins strumming guitars and caressing...
November 2011
10 posts
4 tags
#67 DO l'Exposition
Even though the Catholic Church went out with the French Revolution, Parisians still feel the need to reverently gather on Sundays within the walls of huge monuments to worship, but it’s not Mass, it’s for l’Exposition. Parisians religiously attend museum expositions; it’s their way of keeping up with Les Robinson. Since you can’t publicly discuss work, health, money or personal issues,...
5 tags
#66 DON'T Thanksgiving
Roasted poultry, root vegetables, wine, a warm and veritable meal to be shared among friends and family…sound like just another Sunday in Paris.
If we recall last week, we know that the only Thursday in November a Parisian might get a glimmering of excitement over is the third. Parisians don’t even know what Thanksgiving is, and why should they? Their ancestors wouldn’t be caught...
3 tags
#65 DO A Red Scarf
Winter is upon us in the City of Light as the temperatures drop and the [tasteful] Christmas decors rise. But what truly marks the beginning of the holiday season is the appearance of l’écharpe rouge. Gentlemen of a certain age adore this accent and I would presume they look forward to the moment they get to whip out this festive little fillet more than any other occasion throughout...
5 tags
#64 DON'T Les Halles
Emile Zola immortalized the great Les Halles Parisian food market in his famous The Belly of Paris. His vivid descriptions of cheese, meat, flowers and ragamuffins have all contributed to Paris’ reputation as the gastronomic center of the universe. 150 years later, the only thing that remains of this once gluttonous mecca are a few abandoned construction sights, a lot of fecal matter (of...
3 tags
#63 DON'T Beaujolais Nouveau
The French take their wine very seriously and while the rest of the world falls victim to the beaujocraze at the strike of midnight on the third Thursday of every November (sort of like a French Thanksgiving), Parisians remain beaujoblasé. It’s too light, too fruity, too blah for the Parisian palate—it is just too nouveau to really be enjoyed. Parisians only like French things loaded...
2 tags
Do Me Meta
Get meta, compliments of CustomTripPlanning, and read me on a blog post about a blog post about my blog post. Deep.
3 tags
#62 Don't Châtelet-Les Halles
It’s hot, crowed, cavernous, smells of sulfur; you will wander it for an eternity and relinquish your soul here because it’s the fifth circle of hell, more commonly known as Châtelet-Les Helles. Of all the awful metro stops in Paris this one really takes the cake. It is the transportation hub of the city and should be avoided at all costs. It will probably take you just as long to transfer...
2 tags
DO Eyeball this...
Read my touristic Do’s n’ Don’ts here on the fabulous blog Eye Prefer Paris!
3 tags
#61 DO le Bekket Sneaker
Hey ladies, if you’re going to wear shoes is Paris there really is only one pair you can have: Isabel Marant Bekket sneakers…you know those suede wedge tennies that Kate Bosworth always wears. I know there is nothing about this that makes sense—high heels and tennis shoes are definite Paris Don’t but for some reason when you put them together it makes a definite Paris Do. I...
3 tags
#60 DON'T Veg
Parisians are no hungrier than the next anorexic, but what they really will not tolerate are those with picky eating habits, aka veganism/vegetarianism. Parisians believe in doing everything ‘right’ especially when it comes to eating. If you are going to indulge in food, it better be meaty, creamy, cheesy, confity, eggy, and/or buttery. The French will never judge you for not...
October 2011
9 posts
4 tags
#59 DON'T Halloween
What does Halloween mean to you? Whether it’s dressing up in an outrageous skimpy costume, knocking on stranger’s doors demanding free food, eating Hershey’s *chocolates*, getting so drunk that you’ll never be sure if that’s Mary Kate and/or Ashley you’re looking at…do I really need to spell it out?
I think this Do/Don’t answers itself.
3 tags
#58 DO Gay Paris
Let’s talk about gay paree: not in a jazz hands, Gene Kelly sort of way, well, er, actually maybe in a jazz hands, Gene Kelley sort of other way. I’m talking gay Marais, gay pur-ee, Rimbaud and rainbows. Now, this issue is a little bit more complex than I had originally thought. On one hand, being gay in Paris is like no big deal, the French don’t care, don’t ask, you sleep with who you...
5 tags
#57 DON'T Care about Baby Bruni
Carla Bruni is being so French about her new baby, it’s sickening. Bruni basically told the press that babies are born every day so why should any one care about hers. Even though she said: “It’s so uninteresting for French people,” what she really meant to say is that there are so many of Sarkozy’s babies being born everyday that it really isn’t special that I’m having one now too....
5 tags
#56 DO Le Trench Coat
If you ask Parisians what their favorite time of year is, they will inevitably tell you either the spring or the fall or both—this isn’t because of the beautiful natural transitions the city goes through like the changing leaves in the Bois des Boulogne, the blooming flowers at Jardin du Luxembourg or the mild climate and light breezes—no, it’s because during these two seasons...
5 tags
#55 DON'T Moulin Rouge
You all saw Moulin Rouge, listened to Lady Marmalade and fantasized about paying homage to that infamous red windmill haunt of bohemians and cancan girls. Today if you venture to Pigalle, I regret to inform you that your Toulouse-Lautrec green fairy dreams are about to be crushed by a neon sign wave of cheesy, sleazy, raunchy sex clubs. So don’t sully your pristine Baz Luhrmann fantasies...
4 tags
#54 DON'T DooDoo
We’re going to take a moment today to discuss something really gross that occurs in Paris, poop. Now poop in a big city isn’t so shocking or unique, everyone poops, but not everyone poops so freely on the sidewalks as parisian pooches (at least I’m hoping it’s the pooches). You cannot walk but five paces without passing at least one turd on the sidewalk and in the early mornings the...
3 tags
#53 DO Tour Eiffel Light Show
Most Parisians will tell you they abhor this, they’re being sincere, they really do, but this is because they’re French and hating the Eiffel Tower is a prerequisite for citizenship. You, on the other hand, are not Parisian and no matter what, you cannot resist the charms of this iconic structure. Don’t fight the inevitable, do the tower, but more importantly do the tower at night...
3 tags
#52 DO Fashion Week
Fashion week is a magical time in Paris. Basically, it just means that there are more pretty things to gawk at, a lot more champagne being passed around and more opportunity to carefully scrutinize the wardrobes of others—what more could a Parisian ask for?! This is the one time of year Parisians open their arms to visitors from across the pond, I postulate that this is mainly...
4 tags
#51 DON'T Cafés Richard
Can we all just sigh a collective What The FUCK?!? Paris has the best pastries in the world and currently they are all very sad because they’ve endured decades of dunking into shit coffee. Maybe Parisians being the practical folks that they are, realize that if they had amazing coffee to accompany their amazing desserts things would just be too good, people’s heads would start exploding...
September 2011
9 posts
4 tags
#50 DO Opera Garnier
Get ye to the Opera Garnier. This ornate spectacle had been deemed the jewel box of the city and it couldn’t live up to its name more with every visible surface dripping with gilt, glass, murals, gems etc. Quite frankly, it gives Versailles a run for its bijou. The best part about the Opera is if you arrive an hour before the performance you can score a 9e rush ticket and then you can...
6 tags
#49 DON'T Seine by Night
We all know that Paris is the City of Light; some might even argue that it is most beautiful under the shadows of the night. There is nothing more titillating in Paris than the reflection of these lovely lights upon the Seine as they create impressionistic colors and movements across the dark waters. Your first instinct is to make like the movies and take a romantic moonlit stroll along...
4 tags
#48 DO Marché aux Oiseaux
It’s weird, but it’s worth a peek. Every Sunday all the strange old birdmen gather on Île de la Cité to buy, sell and trade their feathered friends. I’m no bird expert and probably any bird aficionado wouldn’t dare waste their time admiring the wide selection of common street pigeons; but it’s not about the birds, it’s really about the people who love and care for them. The bird vendors...
6 tags
#47 DON'T Break a Leg
You lose the use of your leg/legs; get in a wheelchair, join the IWBF and voilà life goes on—that is, if you live anywhere but Paris. Lose your legs and you lose all hope of survival in this city. Why do you think Quasimodo was stuck up in the belfry? That’s right, you forgot about the incompatibility of a cripple and 400+ stairs. Notre Dame is not unique; there is probably no place in the...
5 tags
#46 DO Rosa Bonheur
I know everyone yaps about Rosa Bonheur: oh have you tried the rillette, ah the wine selection, cutest boys on Sunday nights, cheapest beer on tap, fun music, na, na, na, but I’m giving this one to them, Rosa Bonheur is a definite Paris Do. Nestled amidst the artificial waterfalls and terraced cupola of another major Paris DO, Parc des Buttes Chaumont, this cafe cum club is a weekend...
3 tags
#45 DON'T Get Fancy
“Hi, I would like a decaf iced cappuccino with non fat soy, splenda no sugar, oh and dairy free whipped cream on the side. Merciiii.” This order will be met with a blank stare and the only addition to your drink will be a nice organic cruelty-free loogie. While other major metropolitans like Los Angeles, London, New York tolerate and even cater to this sort of behavior, in Paris it’s simply...
3 tags
#44 DON'T Birkenstock
It saddens me to report, but this past summer marked the true decline of Western aka French civilization. While the French were busy outlawing burkas for the sake of preserving French national identity, another B slipped into town and took us all by surprise. What article of clothing the French really should’ve put their efforts into outlawing are b…bir..birken…Birkenstocks. In...
4 tags
#43 DO Change
This is probably the most annoying little thing that Parisians do, and by little, I mean those fractional quantities like .01, .02, .63 and .99. The demand for exact change is an irrefutable fact of life here. Parisians abhor doling out change and after the look you’ll receive from the fellow ringing you up, I challenge you to not run out of Franprix screaming if you don’t have that...
4 tags
#42 Don't August
It’s been awhile, about a month…I didn’t die, I didn’t get sick, I didn’t quit, I didn’t move to Berlin, I didn’t do shit because it was August and in France, no self-respecting Parisian would be caught dead lifting a finger the past four weeks. Apparently France didn’t get the memo that when you graduate from school, summer break no longer exists. I’m not complaining. On August 1st everyone...
July 2011
12 posts
3 tags
#41 DO La Tradition
You wait in line at a your neighborhood boulangerie and watch all the customers ahead of you walk out with warm, crusty, elegant, floury, delicious baguettes. When it comes to your turn, you request in your best French ‘une baguette’, the lady behind the counter goes and grabs something that is categorically different from what everyone else got—you are handed an ugly, stale, golden...
3 tags
#40 DON'T Quick
While hitting up McDo is a pretty major don’t (though certain Parisian youths may disagree) hitting up le Quick is an even bigger DON’T. This fast-food joint featuring such appetizing menu items as le Giant, le Long Chicken and the nouveau Le Double Mix…is just about the worst gastronomic offense one can commit here. Don’t be tempted by their cheaper menu and shorter lines as Quick...
3 tags
#39 DON'T Le Impossible
The most popular English phase in France after ‘cool’ is ‘I’m afraid this is impossible’. Americans have probably been fed this phrase by Parisians since Benjamin Franklin came to Paris in 1778 and asked for his eggs scrambled not poached. It doesn’t matter if you are simply asking to use a toilette or something more complicated like booking a train ticket to...
4 tags
#38 DO Parc des Buttes Chaumont
Hands down best park in all of Paris. Nestled in the southern corner of the 19th, Buttes Chaumont is the most picturesque of the many Parisian parks. From the grassy knolls to the waterfalls, lake, cupola, grottos and fantastic vistas of Montmartre, Buttes Chaumont is the full pastoral package. Undoubtedly, it is the inspiration behind the Swiss Family tree house but it’s one hundred times...
4 tags
#37 DO Bals des Pompiers
Okay, so I may have exaggerated in the previous post: not ‘every single’ Parisians leaves the city on Bastille Day. Lest we forget the civil servicemen and the boy/girls that love them…that’s right, someone has to stay in the city to put out the fireworks and control the marauding tourist down in the 7ème. But it’s Paris and a holiday, so what do all the firemen stuck in...
3 tags
#36 DON'T Bastille Day
It seems like everyone but the French actually celebrates Bastille Day. If you ask any Parisian what they are doing for le quatorze juillet, they will sort of guffaw and say they will be at their family home in Aubagne, Bergerac or Plouzané. I have a hunch that the Bastille Day firework parade spectacle is just a carefully orchestrated French conspiracy to draw the tourist out of the woodwork and...
3 tags
#35 DON'T Blonde
We all know that blondes have more fun, gentlemen prefer them and they make for good jokes. While the aforementioned stereotypes have only encouraged the popularity of the shade for the Valley and Essex girls of the Anglo-Saxon world, it has had the exact opposite effect on Parisian girls. If the French have learned anything from Rosalie Duthé, it’s that the color makes the woman. The...
3 tags
#34 DO Make That Face
You will come to discover that Parisians are generally glossophobic. However, because they hate talking to strangers but still love being super judgmental, Parisians often resort to a complex methodology of facial contortions to tell you how they feel. It may look like they’re holding back a particularly painful bout of diarrhea, but in fact, it’s just a visceral reaction to those...
4 tags
#33 DO Independence Day
If you happen to be in France today and are faced with a congratulatory “Happy 4th of July” from a French person, don’t be scared. While it may appear to be a trick since we all know that the French don’t like to talk about holidays (they just take them), and in general are not crazy about celebrating America/Americans/Americanism, today is a grand exception. You see, the...
3 tags
DO Read me on Thought Catalog
The 7 Kinds Of People You Will Meet At A Hostel
The hostel is one of the oldest social institutions in existence. The phenomenon of the Eurotrip was first described in Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. Like the pilgrims in Chaucer’s story, youths today find themselves traveling to various holy sites, spending their nights in grimy dens befriending strangers, getting drunk and sharing stories....
4 tags
#32 Don't du Lait
This is just weird, but the French don’t drink milk. It’s the last thing I expected from these dairy fanatics. In a country that produces 1,884 metric tons of cheese each year, you will be hard pressed you to find fresh milk. The ‘milk’ they do sell at the grocery stores is so heavily pasteurized it doesn’t even need to be refrigerated and is generally relegated to...
June 2011
14 posts
6 tags
#31 DO La Piscine
This may come as a surprise to you, but the French are closeted swimming freaks. Nothing about swimming seems French to me: it makes you look really awkward, shows off too much skin, takes some effort and is dangerously close to bathing. The piscine is like the biggest kept secret in Paris after Rosa Bonheur, the Musée Carnavalet and maybe free student couscous. The French are really...
4 tags
#30 DON'T Breton Stripe
Nothing says French like a man named Gaston sporting a beret, pencil mustache, red handkerchief knotted at the neck and of course a Breton striped shirt. By the same token, nothing says American like a girl named Ashley promenading on Pont Neuf in her Madewell Breton striped shirt. The Breton stripe, like everything French, has a long history beginning with its origins in the French ...
3 tags
#29 DON'T d'Orsay
Nothing says summer in the city like the steady fanny pack clusterfuck going down at the Musée d’Orsay from 9:30am to 6:30pm and on Thursdays until 9:45pm, yikes. Pervert tip: in just 1 hour spent wandering the d’Orsay you can achieve a lifetime’s worth of unsuspected fondling, groping, pawing (men, women, children, seeing-eye dogs, you name it) unfortunately, we’re...